I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
