I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
