I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
