I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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