wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize