Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
