Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
