Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
