Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
