She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
