Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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