you would pick up someone in the library
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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