Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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