Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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