somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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