This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
