Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
