Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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