why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
