She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
