I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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