Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
