Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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