You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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