So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize