So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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