Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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