The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
