wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We don't watch enough power rangers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
