Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
