the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
