Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
