On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
