You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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