my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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