you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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