I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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