he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
