ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
