they need to just BURY HIM!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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