the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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