I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
