Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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