did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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