We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
