what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
