i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
