She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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