Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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