Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
