Duck Duck Cougar?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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