and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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