yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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