Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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