its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
