Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do herpes really smell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
