I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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