You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
