I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
