I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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