Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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