yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
