Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
