We're like a lot better than the average bears
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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