i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont even know how to be here
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
