I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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