Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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