So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Where is the hickey?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
