Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
