I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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