I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
