I love black thongs
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize