Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
