Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
