Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
