You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
