i jhust puked up my retainher.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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