C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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