What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
