You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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