and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
