I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
