Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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